Tonight, my heart was broken. And truthfully, I don’t really understand it. I find my heart pulled so many different directions. I don’t know what to think. We talked about God’s heart for people tonight and I found myself thinking so much about God’s heart for East Asia. I can’t even begin to explain to you the depth to which I just want to enter into an unreached people group and minister. Yet at the same time, my heart is ripped away from that thought by the shear overwhelming nature of how much people here need to understand it. I feel that we have become far too focused on ourselves and fulfilling our desires and far too unconcerned with God’s heart. How can our lives be lived for anything else?
In all reality, we hold onto the last words of people we care about. Why do we then choose to ignore the last thing that Jesus spoke of? Are we that oblivious? Are we that selfish? Do I really care that little about God’s heart?
“‘But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.’ And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight.” – The last words of Jesus (Acts 1:8-9)
Besides my salvation itself, I feel as though these words should have the single, largest impact on my life. Yet I find myself living for myself. Am I really living in total abandonment to my Savior? Does my life reflect Jesus in everything I do? Am I willing to take up my cross, to live with no guarantee of shelter, to forsake my family and friends, to live as an imitator of Christ in bringing glory to the Father?
My heart says no. It’s too much for Him to ask. This thought haunts me. But the words of this song have not left my lips since I heard it tonight. You Won’t Relent Until You Have It All.
Father, I want you to have it all. My heart is Yours.
